If At First You Don't Succeed....

Proverbs 24:16 " For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again..."

Ever feel like a Job. Well, here is my Job rant for the day. A week ago Monday was a BAD parenting day. I joke, my husband had to call and "instill the fear of God" since he was out of town. Tuesday, my fuel pump went out at an intersection-I was the first one in line to go and couldn't. Wednesday, our date night was spent replacing the radiator in the other car. Thursday, a challenging relative came and brought us another car and has stayed until at least today. There is a new hole in the side wall of a newer tire that we now have to replace. Sunday our VBS starts and I'm in charge of crafts for 120+ kids and because of all the aforementioned stuff, I am WAY behind. Today my husband has to have an MRI on his back. Yesterday he spent all day in a contractors office on a big job he might not even get (unethical reasons too!).

So where does that leave us. Well, first, what a great verse in Proverbs. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to play the sluggard and pull the sheets over my head. And second, what is the saying, "Satan is alive and well on planet earth."

For the righteous part, I think we can have good things come from bad situations. We have had to be willing to except a not so perfect car, but hey, we have a car. Things/issues that have been building in our marriage have come to the surface, and we have been able to deal with them in a way I feel has been honoring to God and our marriage. We have come to lean on and receive support from some great friends here locally. And my husband has been able to see the positive side to a lot of this (it used to be always me trying to be positive.)

For the Satan attacking you part of things. Well...I honestly think that is part of it. I mean, he took away everything that Job had-why can't he do the same to us. And he knows where it hurts. We don't have new cars, so there's always some kind of maintenance. But seriously! How much in one week! And the relative...well, this has caused a big strain on our marriage-even before this instance. It's like the thorn in our flesh.

So where does this all leave us. Well, I think God does try to teach us things. And no, we won't collapse. 1 Corinthians 10:13 "...And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bare. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." Hot dog. No worries, right :-). But I think it also means, we have to be willing to take the way out that he has provided, whether we want to or not.

And I think he gives us tools to overcome those areas that Satan can get to us. He knows it happens-he even had to tell Peter to "get behind me Satan". For the marriage things that were going bad, it caused us to discuss things that hadn't been discussed. And to come up with a plan to deal with it. We are bigger than the problems the relative causes. It was our own way of saying, "get behind me Satan", we are bigger than this and your not going to win.

If it's any encouragement to any of you...since we all know we live in a fallen world and bad things happen...here is my favorite verse:

Isaiah 40:31 "They that wait (or hope) on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings as eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint."*

*I did quote this verse from memory-I may not be totally accurate in all my punctuation, etc.

Loving Our Husbands (and our families)

I studied a great book with a few other women this past summer: Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes. Initially I thought the title pretty cheesy; the content of the book, however, is terrific. Jaynes breaks down 7 areas in which we wives can be the woman of our husband's dreams. Throughout the book, she uses many Scripture references to back up her points--the part I appreciated most on my first read through the book was that she used Scripture references beyond those normally offered to wives (you know, beyond the "submit" passages or "a good wife is better than rubies"). She points out, for instance, that 1 Corinthians 13 should be applied to the way we love our husbands--not just a general way to love others. She outlines all the many times Paul encourages believers to be constant in prayer--doesn't that mean we need to be constant in prayer for our husbands?

Dostoevsky, in his amazing book The Brothers Karamazov, has a fascinating chapter titled "The Grand Inquisitor" in which a character expounds on this idea of loving those close to you. It's definitely easier to profess love for the starving children in Africa or the persecuted church in the Middle East (you might even send money or pray for these groups) than it is to love those in our own homes or our real, next door neighbor. Why? We see all the faults of those close to us. We let little things get in the way of our love; I believe an example in Dostoevsky's book is the way someone chews his or her food. If it's annoying, it can keep us from loving someone.

C. S. Lewis offers similar insights in his Screwtape Letters. In this book, a senior demon is training a younger demon in the arts of temptation and swaying people away from the Lord. One of his tips: get the "patient" in question to start focusing on the irritating little things his mother is doing rather than focusing on the real ways he can love and serve her.

Why do I mention these? Is my husband bothering me? Are my kids driving me up a wall? Not really. I've just been praying through some Scripture that is general in nature, not directed specifically at families, and was struck by the difference these actions/ideas/attitudes would make in our own homes. Some of these verses are ones Jaynes offers in her book as prayers to pray for our husbands, inserting their names as we pray. Praying Scripture is a powerful tool, the Sword of the Spirit. So, in the coming days, I'll offer up some of these Scriptural prayers. I encourage you to pick one or two and pray through them for you husband and your children. If you need an attitude check, I can guarantee you that this will help! If you've begun to focus on irritating little habits or started to notice a bothersome trait in someone in your household, try praying through one of these verses for that person instead. Our prayers become so earthly-focused. Scriptural prayers help reorient our thoughts to what is really important.

Carrie has already given us a great list of verses to pray through for our children. See her post on Teabag Verses for Students and Moms.

Potty Training: Betsy's "Method"

I'm not sure you can call this a method or not--it's more a conglomeration of various tips and strategies. But here's what I prefer to do:

Phase 1: Pre-Potty Training like crazy (this is when I become Potty Training Cheerleader Extraordinaire--did that little visiting girl just use our potty? Yea for Suzie!! She just went pee pee in the potty! Look! You're going pee pee right now! (in the tub) Are you going "stinky" (at sign of red face)). I also wait for readiness signs (dry diaper for 1.5 hours or so at a time; vocabulary in place--they need to be able to say "potty," "pee pee," etc.; interest in potty; telling me they've gone to the potty--usually only occasionally).

Phase 2: Gear up. (Get towels, drinks, potty chairs, etc.)

Phase 3: Awareness Commando, baby! Little naked babies running around, a stack of blue towels, and LOTS of fluids. After all, if they're not pee-ing, and obviously so, there are no training/teaching examples. I didn't want to use a potty chair with the boys, but quickly saw that we needed one (well, two) with this approach. The potty chairs move with us around the house: we sit in them when we watch movies, we sit in them when Mommy reads us stories, etc. Gradually, we'll add underwear to this scene. Generous and frequent rewards for any sprinkle in the right direction.

Phase 4: Control After kids are very aware of when they're going pee pee, we try to move to a pee pee on command (they need to be able to go before we leave the house--when I tell them to--especially if it's been a while since they've last gone). So, this phase is a continued education for them in learning to control their bodily functions.

Phase 5: Independence This is when they get to tell me when they want to go potty, and I pretty much operate as a normal Mom (as opposed to Potty Training Cheerleader Extraordinaire). I do have a few consequences for accidents: if someone can't take the time to come inside, for instance, and has "wet pants" while swinging, then they must come in then and there from their playing. If, however, he/she makes the attempt to come inside, I always make sure they get a little time back outside as a reward for taking the time to stop and use the bathroom.

Some notes: time spent in each phase is relative for each kid. With my daughter, she was firmly in the indepent phase by 2 months from the start date (start of awareness phase). We've just begun with the boys and are making good progress in the awareness phase for one twin (as I write this, it's day 2). But, obviously, I don't have a gazillion success stories to back up my method.

Also, and this is huge, your vocabulary makes a big difference. Don't say "if you go pee pee, Mommy will give you some candy." Two things wrong with that: first, they're going to go pee pee. That's not the issue. The issue is that they go pee pee in the potty. So, make sure you include that. Second, they are going to go pee pee at some point. Say "When you go pee pee in the potty, Mommy will give you some candy." When you move into the control phase, same thing. Say "When you go pee pee in the potty, then we'll go play outside." Not: "Hurry up!! We have to leave! Just pee!" You might as well realize that that's never going to work, so don't waste your breath and don't stress out your toddler.

Potty Training: Pre-Potty Training

Regardless of when you choose to potty train your child, you will have to do some pre-potty training, for both yourself and your child. I am by no means an expert on potty training, but I've learned some things along the way. The info from here on out is all garnered by much talking with friends and family and much reading of the "experts" (which are often highly over-rated).

Pre-Potty Training (for your child)

If you're going with an early start date, you'll need to make this a top priority in the few months preceding the Big Day. If you're planning to wait and train later, then this will happen along the way by osmosis, most likely.

1. Give your child the vocabulary to use: be consistent ("pee pee" should always be "pee pee"--or whatever you choose). Catch your child in the act whenever possible and point it out (bathtub, changing table, naked time, etc.). Label body parts, the potty, etc.
2. Model for your child at all times: parents and older siblings are always going to the bathroom. Leave the door open and narrate ("Mommy's going pee pee in the potty!" or "Look at Big Sister--she just went pee pee in the potty!").
3. Let anticipation work for you: "In a few more days, YOU will get to go pee pee in the potty!" or something like that.

Pre-Potty Training (for YOU!)
Yes, you will need some pre-potty training, too! If you've never potty trained a child before, maybe the following will help you avoid some of the mistakes I (and my friends) have made.

1. Get in the habit of pointing out all the times you (and your child) should use the potty. Before you leave the house for any reason, point out that you are going to the bathroom. (this will help you remember to do that when it's a necessity for your child).
2. Do your homework--read up on methods, equipment, etc. Know what some of the strategies are.
3. Learn what motivates your child: is he independent and likes to do everything himself? That might be all the reward you need. Does she idolize her big sister? Let big sister be a key component of your strategy.
4. Gear up: gather whatever you think you'll need: salty snacks and juice/water if you're planning an all-out day or two; potty chair and/or potty seat/ring for big potty; lots of towels (I use blue towels) if you're just going straight to underwear (or commando); pull-ups if you're planning to go that route.
5. Get your game face on: Yes, you'll be cleaning up accidents. Yes, your child will not understand right away. Yes, you'll be washing sheets, couches, rugs, toys, etc. Yes, you may have to wash a car seat. Yes, you'll be singing silly songs and doing dumb dances. Yes, you may allow your child to consume far more candy than you ever thought you would allow. Yes, you will have to put your child first, before phone calls, dinner prep, a play date, and the like. Grin and bear it!
   

Teabag: Wise Instruction

Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching. For they are a graceful garland for you head and pendants for your neck. Proverbs 1:8,9

What are we instructing and teaching to our children? Is it good and worthy enough to be a garland and pendant for them? Will we teach them well enough so they can follow Proverbs 1:10:

My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent.

Potty Training: When to Do It?

Carrie and I have chosen very different times to potty train our children, so I thought it might interest the peanut gallery to hear some of the pros and cons (at least according to her and me) for potty training early v. late. I've just begun training my 25-month old twin boys, so potty training is all I'm thinking about!

I would consider "early" potty training to be in the 18-month to 2 1/4-year old range. "Late" potty training is 3+. Then, there's a big spread in the middle that would involve issues on both the early and late sides. I've chosen to train my children early (daughter at 23 months; boys--just begun at 25 months) and Carrie's gone with the later age range (3 1/2 years for her boys).

If you haven't gotten to the potty training stage yet with your child(ren), it's worth considering the following; there really isn't a right or a wrong way to potty train as long as you do it, expect your child to obey once he/she demonstrates full capability/knowledge, and keep the peace in your household :).

Pros of Early Training (these are all generalizations):

• less laundry/effort if your child is in cloth diapers--maybe a year and a half less!
  
• less money/trash if your child is in disposables
• child still wants to please Mommy/Daddy, so battles of the will aren't typical
• rewards can be smaller--a Skittle, an M&M, etc.
• you might not be out and about as much as when the child is older, so you'll have lots of home time to practice

Cons of Early Training (again, generalizations)

• much more parental time/involvement required (child can't pull his/her pants up, child can't reach potty by him/herself, etc.)
• can take longer just because you're often starting with a child who doesn't have tons of awareness of his/her bodily functions

Pros of Later Training

• typically easier, if you can find the right motivation for your child
• less parental involvement needed (child can dress him-/herself, reach the potty, etc.)
• typically faster--the child is usually pretty aware of what's going on

Cons of Later Training

• can result in a battle of the will; parent's approval isn't quite the be all, end all it is for a toddler
• you have to spend that much more time/money on diapers!
• you might be move involved in activities (like preschool) that can complicate time needed for practice/reliability
  

What happened to the last 6 months???

Ok...I haven't totally fallen off the face of the earth. Betsy has done such a wonderful job with posting blogs. Some of you might have wondered, "where is Carrie?" Well, all that to say...Carrie has been dealing with life. As many of you know life can fight back pretty good. And I have been mulling over many things in my head, that I would love to write about, but just haven't. So here goes my list...now you can keep me accountable.

1. I don't want to write anything...I don't really feel like being spiritual. (Come on...you know you have been there-it's my red flag of distress.)
2. Does my husband really think that his stress and the economy doesn't rub off on the rest of us. (hhmm...trying to refocus my job as a wife!)
3. Where has my child gone and who is this spawn of Satan in my living room...(Count to 10, repeat, repeat, repeat!)
4. Is God trying to test me...or is Satan attacking me (really I think it has been a little of both....I'll have to explain later.)
5. This is when I need a good local friend to initiate calling me. (Interesting...our Bible study just started a new book on women's friendships. Yeah, guess who should be #1....not my local friends.)
6. If I have to deal with my broken car or a house that I'm renting one more month...(there have been lots of tears shed lately!)
7. Do I really have to hear all these stories of other people getting anonymous $ for things and I still have to deal with #6 (yeah...bigtime contentment issues going on!)
8. I really don't know what to do with this child...am I doing something wrong?
9. Everyone tells me to lighten up...it's only kindergarten, but seriously the child has to learn to read! (kind of helping create afore mentioned spawn of satan!)
10. Does my husband really care that we never go on dates anymore??? (Well, schedule, more Satan attacking, more economy $$ issues, etc. Have I mentioned though, he has been the spiritual motivator in all of this-I'm failing miserably right now!)

So it all boils down to #1. I haven't really wanted to write anything. But you know...that's really life. And we have all been there. I'm just being honest to admit it. So hopefully in the coming weeks :-), I can post some of my learned thoughts on the above. Well, mostly how that shouldn't be life, and we can control things...we just let a fallen world get to us!

Titus 2 Moment: Michele

Michele is a good friend of mine whom I met at my current church. I didn't know her very well until I found out I was pregnant with twins (and was going to have an 18-month-old daughter when they were born). Lo and behold, Michele had walked this same path approximately 11 years previously! She and her husband had a 2 1/2-year-old daughter when their twin boys were born. No other person was able to offer the same level of practical and emotional support that Michele did during that stressful time in our lives. We're certainly not out of it yet, but those early days with two newborns and a toddler were so crazy that I don't have many memories of them!

Here's what Michele did for us: advice, advice, advice--always being willing to listen when I called asking ANOTHER question (I still do this). Availability: she let me bring the three small ones over a few times so I could hang out with another adult and her older daughter helped babysit them. They even bathed them for me when I went over to their house! She brought us food (tons of wonderful food for all different meals of the day). Once, she brought her kids over (all 5 of them now), left them at my house to babysit my toddler, and went with me to the doctor for the twins. Guess what her kids did while we there: they cleaned my house!!! She cut the boys' hair for me. She encouraged me to hang in there. In short, she's been a constant source of encouragement for me--partly because she's lived through such a similar experience (that is relatively unique).

Who do you know that is walking down a path you've already walked? How can you specifically encourage them in ways others might not think of? In the spirit of Titus's mandate that older women teach younger women, how can you step in and offer some practical instruction?

Titus 2 Moment: Linda Findley

Linda Findley was my "Chattanooga mom" when I was living there right after graduating from college. She was my good friend Todd's mom, so most of our friends called her "Mama Todd." Her home served as a base for all of us who lived in the usual sparse post-college apartments. She often had us over for big holiday feasts if we couldn't get home; we had movie nights at her house and a host of other gatherings. She passed away a few years after I got to know her, but today is her birthday, so this seems a fitting time to honor her impact on me!

Linda was a teacher and a mom to two grown sons when I knew her. She had just moved to Chattanooga, so she and I were both enjoying getting to know the city a bit better and also enjoying setting up house. She patiently taught me to sew on an old, black, iron Singer machine that her son later gave me when she died. We made curtains and all sorts of little things. She took time out for me weekly: we shopped, we cooked, we sewed, we laughed, we watched movies,.... I was working a job at the college from which I had just graduated, and it was pretty demanding on several levels. Linda was a sounding board, a source of Christian encouragement, a nice "neutral" resource, a friend, and a surrogate mom--all at the same time. She even let me do my laundry at her house!

How did she do all of these things? By simply living her life transparently in front of me and letting me live mine alongside her. Was she perfect? No. But she was living her life as a child of God, transformed by his grace, and challenging me to do the same. She left a lasting legacy in my life. I went on to become a teacher. I have since used that sewing machine to make more curtains, to make Christmas stockings, and to make other small projects. I ended up joining the same church she attended. I have a small set of plates that she and I had both loved (her son gave me those, too), and those are a sweet reminder of this lady the Lord put in my life for a short time.

Being a Titus 2 influence on someone doesn't always mean serving in an official role as "mentor" or "teacher." Sometimes, it's simply mothering someone else where they need it--being available, offering advice that comes from an older perspective, and being honest about your own walk with Christ.

The Library

Go to the library... (Toni Morrison came to our college, and I can still hear her say those words in her rich voice). Her point was that we needed to read our African American history, but I think the command is relevant no matter what you read--just go read!!

This is a small plug for getting more involved in your local library. Many libraries do fun summer reading programs for all ages (my kids are in the summer "listening" program since they're not readers yet). There are all kinds of great prizes, too!

In addition to summer programs, most libraries offer story time for young children. My kids LOVE this--we're finally going back after a long absence. This is a nice time for them to listen to someone else read and to be exposed to the library. Some branches are more child-friendly than others. It's okay if you go to a different branch the one closest to your house if you find a more child-friendly one.

There are lots of other offerings at the library for children, too: read-along story books that come with tapes the child can listen to, board books for young "listeners," all kinds of regular books for kids, CD's and DVD's, and usually a nice librarian who can help you find the Angelina book that matches the Angelina TV show!

Finally, check out the library's collection for yourself! They usually have a pretty good stock of current fiction in addition to classics. They also typically stock craft books, random very interesting nonfiction books, cook books, mysteries, CD's, DVD's, ..... you name it! You can no doubt search your library's catalog on line. Make use of their hold features and get the book you want sent to your branch and held for you (this is a huge help if you're coming in the library with three young children in tow and headed to story time in 10 minutes....).

So, I encourage you to get back in the habit of going to the library. Don't buy every book or CD you want; try checking it out first from your local library. Odds are, you'll be done with it when it's due back (and then you can bring home something else!).

Our Parents' Legacy...

In my discussions with my friends and in the different Bible studies I've been a part of, I've realized that my husband and I have a unique and wonderful gift from the Lord: our two sets of parents (I know Carrie can say the same about her in-laws--and of course the same about her parents!). My husband and I grew up with very similar home lives in many respects--that has been such a blessing in and of itself as we attempt to parent our own children and establish our own family. What are some of the specific legacies our parents, collectively, have given us?

1. Dymanic spiritual lives: All four of our parents know and love the Lord deeply. There is no other greater legacy they could have passed on to us. Neither of us has known a day when we did not know the name of Jesus, trust in His work on the cross for our salvation, and hear Biblical truth. What a rich, rich heritage to pass on!!! I remember seeing my dad flip through his memory verse cards in the morning or watching my Mom read her Bible after breakfast. All four of our parents are still tremendous models of loving and serving the Lord in the different areas He's placed them.

2. Faithful church involvement: Collectively, our parents have served in the following areas in their local churches: pastor, elder, Sunday school teacher, VBS director, VBS teacher, VBS curriculum writer, children's ministry director, graphic design work/help (think: bulletins and other printed materials), preaching/teaching, counseling, leading choirs, participating in choirs, missions work.... Because of their examples in their support of local churches, my husband and I have been involved in our own churches--even working with kids' programs before we had kids!

3. Good stewardship: Our parents have made every effort to be responsible with what the Lord has entrusted them. They take care of their homes, they faithfully pay bills, they don't buy tons of random things they don't need, they balance their budgets, etc. In this day and age, that's a terrific example to set.

4. Generous giving: Our parents have faithfully tithed--so faithfully that neither my husband nor I have ever questioned whether we should or not. We just do it--even when we were struggling on much smaller incomes in a much more expensive city. Our parents also have always given above and beyond the tithe--particularly to missions. This giving has been both financial support as well as time-support (like sending out newsletters for missionaries behind the Iron Curtain).

5. Solid marriages: Our parents are still married and still love each other very much! Another, increasingly rare, legacy they have passed on. Many of my friends did not grow up in homes with two parents who lived out the biblical pattern of marriage (think: wives respecting their husbands, husbands loving wives, husbands leading the home, etc.).

6. Responsibility: We both grew up with parents who stressed responsibility. We finish what we start/commit to. We show up for work on time. We take care of what we have.

7. Family is important: We both have great memories of family trips and still place a big priority on seeing our families--especially at holidays and birthdays. This is because it was a priority for our parents as we were growing up; they took us to see grandparents, they made a big deal over staying in touch with extended family, they still make a big deal over being in touch with extended family. Incidentally, my dad is visiting his siblings right now while my mom is on a missions trip. My mother goes to the beach every year with her mother and two sisters. My husband's family has a big reunion every 2 years.

8. Education is important: Because of our parents' sacrifice, my husband and I both went to Christian schools and a wonderful Christian college. Getting a good education was always a priority; as such, it's a priority for us as we consider our own children's opportunities.

9. World view is important: How you view the world is crucial to your life! Our parents made sure we were trained in evaluating the world from a Christian perspective--really thinking things through and discerning issues behind a big decision. We still often have discussions with our parents on current issues and cultural ideas floating around.

10. Prayer: I could have listed a bunch of other things in this list (good citizenship, good values, etc.), but the consistent prayer that has been a part of our parents' lives--on our behalf--is huge. They prayed for us to get married, in fact, and we're thankful that prayer was answered! (they are, too, I believe!)

10 Things I Learned from my Mom

I've learned so much from my mother over the years, but certain things really stand out as stuff SHE, in particular, taught me. I've also realized since becoming an adult myself, that all mothers don't teach their daughters these things. As I've read more on the internet, read more organizational strategies for stay-at-home-moms, listened to my friends' struggles, etc., I've begun to realize what a tremendous wealth my mother has given to me through her life of faith, her specific lessons on various domestic duties, and her many informal discussions with me.

As I think through my current life with all its duties and delights (husband, preschooler, twin toddlers, house to care for, etc.), 10 lessons really stand out. These are the top 10 things my mother has imparted to me throughout my 30+ years of life that I daily use/ponder/enjoy. Of course there are many other things, perhaps more spiritual things, but I tried not to overspiritualize this or make it more profound than it sounds. Sometimes, a simple technique for ironing really can enrich your life :). Without further ado (and in no particular order):

1. Weekly grocery shopping list/menu. Apparently, many women do not make up a weekly menu or even a grocery list. How you can live without these simple organizational tools, I do not know. Really, I don't. It seems so self-evident to me. But, then again, that's because I have so many memories of casual conversations with my mother about what we were going to eat during the coming week. What meat was on sale and therefore, what would go well with that roast or ham? Then, she'd make up her list.
2. Eat your veggies! Again, when I read suggestions for how to eat healthily, I am astounded that people don't already know these things and follow them without really thinking about them. Sure, I try to maximize nutrition because I'm a bit of a health nut, but in reality, I could never, ever plan a meal without some sort of vegetable side. This is not just because I love to plan nutritious meals; it's because my mother cooked that way! We always had fruit at breakfast and lunch and generally two vegetable sides at dinner. These weren't exotic; I never tasted butternut squash until after I'd graduated from college. I didn't learn to like green peppers until I was in college. I still do not like eggplant or raw tomatoes. But, I really, truly enjoy so many other vegetables, largely thanks to my Mom.
   
3. The most efficient way to iron a button down shirt. (someday I'll post this method.)
   
4. Laundry: Most people seem to learn this by trial and error in college. I, however, have breezed through my laundry career with very few pink loads of formerly white clothes. I can remember vivid examples in the past year, but for some reason, until I had children and all extra brain cells went to combat fatigue, I'd never turned a load of clothes into a different color.This is because my mother taught me how to to do laundry.
   
5. An appreciation for classical music. This, to me, is the ideal calming background music. But it's also something to savor and enjoy. This is what was always on in our house growing up.
6. Keeping up with current events. This is something I'm particularly poor at right now, but I feel guilty about it! Not because my neighbors are very into current events, not even because my husband has strong opinions. I feel guilty because in my mind, all good wives and mothers should also be able to to vote intelligently; after all, my mother always did.
7. Not complaining when following your husband's call. Perhaps my mother complained out of our presence--I don't know, but I have come to greatly admire her lack of complaining, especially from my memory of our time in a rental house. My dad was church planting in North Carolina, and for five years we lived in a rental house. Looking back now, with a renewed appreciation of my mother's innate aesthetic sense, that house must have been hard to live in--pretty plain to start with and limited opportunities for improvement. We did take down the lion/safari curtains in one room, but that's about it.... I'm sure there have been many times in her life where supporting my dad in ministry has led her into situations she'd rather not have gone (maybe the frequent nursery duty wasn't her cup of tea; I'll never know because she didn't complain). This following of my dad's call has also led her to some pretty cool places--New Zealand, Israel, Uganda.
   
8. Using your gifts to enrich your children's lives. Even though my mother has much higher standards of cleanliness than I do currently, I still remember her playing with us so much more than I feel like I do with my own kids! She must have cleaned house, but I remember her enriching our lives instead. And, not only play, but draw!! She's an artist and would draw pages of flowers for us to color--we liked hers much better than any coloring book. She painted a big mural on our bedroom wall of a tree with an orange cat in it. She made or helped us make great Halloween costumes when we were little. Her creativity even extended to "surprise lunches."
   
9. Laughter/Enjoyment. My mom used to ask us to "wash" the outside windows. That meant: get our swimsuits on, get the hose out, and get a big bucket of soapy water. Great fun. She laughs a lot when she's with my children--reminding me in the process without speaking a word to enjoy them as much as possible.
10. Critical Thinking Skills. Perhaps some people think you're supposed to learn this in school. But, if you have a mother who enjoys discussing issues, faith, circumstances, new information in the news, then you're already developing and using critical thinking skills without needing school to teach them to you.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Small Object Stuck in Child's Nostril?

I heard an ingenious trick from one of my Bible study friends for getting small objects out of children's nostrils. If your child hasn't tried to stick a bead, pea, or other similar object up his or her nose, just wait!

I got the opportunity to try this earlier tonight and was amazed at how fast it worked and how painless it is (compared to sticking something up the nostril in chase of said object--bad idea).

Simply block the other nostril with your finger and blow hard in the child's mouth (think, mouth to mouth resuscitation here). The object will quickly fly out! File this tip away in your mental emergency medical file.

Internet Sabbatical

The internet is a tricky thing. There are some wonderful tools available via cyber-space, some of which I've become much more dependent on since I've had young children in the house. I order clothes for our family from clearance sites on line, work on my digital photo books without having to worry that little Johnny will tear up a priceless photo, do all banking online and schedule all bill payments so they don't get lost in the shuffle, email someone who's now living in Germany, etc.

However, the internet can be such a time drain!!!! When Carrie and I started this blog, I had three napping children in the afternoon, two nappers in the morning, and only 1 mobile child. Now, I have three very mobile children, no morning nappers, and 2 afternoon nappers (and 1 child who is awake all day...). In addition to that, we've combined our computer with our TV, so my time on the computer is non-existent in the evening.

All of that is fine, except that it's easy to follow rabbit trails through cyber-space, read fascinating blogs, write up random blog posts when I have time, and so forth...often when I should be doing something a bit more constructive. I've written this week about some tools of the digital world that I find very useful, but today I'm going to commit to an internet sabbatical: the entire month of May.

Why a sabbatical? Because as we all know, the internet turns your little internal clock off. You can sit down "for a minute" and an hour is gone by instantly. I do not have time for those precious hours to slip by anymore. There are better things for me to do: right things for me to do. The internet is not wrong, but I don't need to spend as much time on it as I do. How much time do I spend on the computer? Probably only an hour or two a day. However, that precious hour or two during kids' naptime (and 1 child's quiet time) is the only time I have now to communicate with long-distance friends, to work on projects that are best done when children are out of the way, to have my quiet time, etc. Those are more important than reading someone's blog I don't know or finding yet another fabulous recipe.

Why a sabbatical, though? Why not just limit my use? Well, I'm curious to see how many things I'll get done and how much better my life will be! I'm trying to talk my husband into a media fast in general (from TV and movies). We'll see if I can convince him. I doubt it. But maybe we can limit our watching to once a week. There are so many more worthwhile things to be doing, especially when the weather is nice. There are books we want to read, hikes we want to take, art projects to do with the kids, and so forth. So, consider this an experiment.

I can't go entirely without the internet because there are some people with whom I only communicate via email (aforementioned friend in Germany) and we bank with an online bank. However, I am committing to the following: no new blog posts (some are already scheduled), no reading of other people's blogs (sigh), checking email only once a day, no surfing the web for a new recipe, etc. What can I do online during my internet sabbatical? Balance my bank account, pull up a recipe I already know exists on my food blog, check my email once a day, and that's about it. I meant to have this post published first thing this morning (May 1st), but life interrupted that plan.

So, you'll be hearing few thoughts from me this month--Carrie has been quite busy herself, so TT may be a quiet place for the next few weeks. Feel free to subscribe and then you'll automatically get the next post without having to check back in.

Select Ringtones: Another Nice Digital Tool

OK, I admit, the select ringtones for certain callers can get a bit ridiculous. We now have a phone that talks to us and says, "Call from ..." Crazy, huh?

However, I've come to realize that, with young children around especially, the select ringtones and other audible information telling me who's calling are invaluable tools. We have assigned rings for each of our cell phones, our parents, and our siblings. That way, if one of those people calls, I know automatically who it is, along with two other important things: I can answer and still deal with my children; I can call them back right away without even listening to a message if I'm changing a diaper and just can't get to the phone (I have all those numbers memorized and they're also stored in the phone). It's been a big help to me, simply knowing which phone calls are a bit more high priority and which ones are on the lesser end. (No offense to non family out there!)

Another terrific feature on our old phones was a "do not disturb" feature--it would silence not only the ringer, but the answering machine as well, all with the touch of one button. If Mommy needed to grab a quick catnap, that one button silenced it all for the duration of the nap.

Cell phones can be a help, too, because they can be carried outside and around the house more easily than a regular phone.

Don't be tied to your phone. But do recognize the tools available now that will let you make better choices about when/if to interrupt your time with your family.

Del.icio.us: Bookmarking Websites Online

I've heard of this website frequently--it's often listed at the bottom of a webpage or a blog post: "bookmark me on del.icio.us" or something to that effect. I ignored it.

Until recently.... I checked it out and realized the amazing potential to streamline my "online" time when it's not convenient for me to surf the web. There are other sites out there that do similar things (technorati, stumble upon, and others); I've just not checked them out yet.

Here's what del.icio.us does for me: it's a place online to store bookmarks--you know, you find a web page that looks interesting, has a good recipe on it, is a friend's blog, etc. and you don't want to lose the address. You can "bookmark" it through your browser. Well, if you're like me, suddenly the bookmarks in your browser's tool bar are extensive. A problem: if you're at someone else's house or at a different computer, you don't have access to them! Del.icio.us solves that problem by storing your bookmarks in cyberspace; you can access them anywhere you can access the internet.

How else is it helpful? Other people can view your bookmarks and you can view theirs, should you choose to do so.

Biggest benefit? You get a website link in an email from a friend--you're supposed to be checking your email QUICKLY and shouldn't be browsing around.... Just bookmark the site on del.icio.us! Find an interesting blog? A enticing recipe? Comparing camera prices? Bookmark those sites! You can categorize ("tag") your bookmarks however is helpful to you, so they'll be easy to find again.... WHEN YOU HAVE TIME.

Now, when I see something interesting in a blog, I don't have to follow the rabbit trail. I just bookmark it, knowing it's there when/if I have time. In the meantime, I will focus on the real live people in front of me who need me in the flesh. The internet can always wait.

Digital Scrapbooking

Carrie is the artsy one of the two of us. She has amazing scrapbooks she's created. I, on the other hand, have some old photo albums, boxes of photos that have never been put in a book, and a million digital pictures on my computer. (actually, during my big de-cluttering experience this past month, I'm proud to say most of the pictures are now in an album....)

My solution: digital photobooks. They're quick, they're creative, and they're a terrific birthday gift idea. I just did one for each of my twins (they turned 2 on April 18). Kids love to get books as presents; it's even more fun to get one of yourself! I do a basic book from the past year, beginning with the previous birthday. It's okay if the book gets a little "loved" on the big opening day because the book is saved on the internet and my pictures are saved on the computer. If a disaster happens, I can re-order one.

This is one way the digital revolution has helped simplify my life! The catch: not to get too involved in creating the perfect book in such a way that it takes away from the here and now time with my children. Tools of the trade: most sites that develop digital photos also do digital books these days. I've used Walgreen's and Shutterfly most recently and both have been good.

The Digital Revolution: Helping or Hurting?

Has the digital revolution helped us or hurt us? I have a friend right now in Vanuatu (island in the South Pacific) with Peace Corps; she has very little internet access and is living in a situation that involves a generator turning on/off through the day for electricity. No doubt, she is getting a good feel for the ways in which technology has helped/hurt us!

It is easy to get "sucked in" to digital technology in one form or another (TV, computer, internet, video games, etc.). Sometimes, it's easy to see where it is harmful (TV shows or movies with sinful/harmful content, video games that involve tremendous violence, etc.).

What about those more nebulous areas: "surfing" the net to find a better deal on the camera you hope to buy soon, checking out 5 different versions of a chicken pot pie recipe to determine which would be the best, browsing an interesting blog that is providing all kinds of tips and tricks to simplify household living, letting your children watch "The Wiggles," buying items through amazon to save money, scrapbooking, balancing your checkbook via online bank statements, "catching up" with people via facebook, etc.

We can usually justify these types of activities in the general interest of our household. But are they really helping? I've begun trying to evaluate these types of activities, particularly in light of my recent new criterion for children's toys. I think the same can be said of our own activities, especially those of who are wives or mothers: does this activity lend itself to any sort of community experience or is it, by its very nature, limited to a solo participant? Just because an activity might be limited to a solo participant doesn't automatically rule it out; however, it does make me think twice about too much of it during a time of day when I should be spending time with children/husband. I'm trying to limit solo activity (most of the examples above fall into this category; if it's related to the computer/internet, it's usually a solo activity) to kids' naptime and early morning prep time (when no one else is awake). This is not absolute. I check my email throughout the day, pull up a recipe to make dinner from, etc. But I try to save the digital photobook, the search for a new recipe, the blog post to write, the checkbook balancing, and so forth for times when I'm not needed in a relational sense.

This week I'm going to highlight several digital tools that can actually help us manage our time better--particularly when it comes to the internet.

My March Uncluttering Project ...

...has continued into April. But, that's okay--the results are worth it! My counters and dining room table got temporarily worse, much worse, but my closets and attic spaces are more usable and the "stuff" lurking in plain sight will soon be banished to its rightful, easily accessed spot behind closed doors.

In the process of decluttering my house, I've learned some VERY important lessons--ones I hope I never forget.

1. My husband and I have a unique style.

This is a very important lesson to grasp. We often see something in our friends' houses (or our parents' or in a magazine) that we like or think looks neat. It's taken us a while to realize that those things look good partly because they fit the friend's style; the house sort of "works." Too much eclecticism can be a bad thing (bad in the sense of clutter). So, we've really begun choosing items that we enjoy and that also sort of work with our "look" rather than trying to mimic lots of different approaches. We've also tried, in our current house, to really "go with the house"--to decorate in a way that fits the needs/look of this particular house. And... we're starting to get rid of stuff that doesn't work for us, stuff we just don't quite like!

2. Decluttering fits basic design principles.

My mother, being an artist, has a good eye for things in general. I often consult her opinion. Even though we don't always like the same things/colors, I still consult her on how to group things, where something might look best on a wall, and so forth; good design principles fit a multitude of different "looks." Rarely does a cluttered house fit any sense of good design principles.

3. The fewer possessions you have, generally speaking, the more you'll treasure them.

For confirmation of this, just watch your kids play with a toy for 15 minutes, toss it aside and pick up another one, repeat, repeat, repeat. Now, give them one or two toys and see what happens. All day the same toys get played with (or your children get much more creative which is always beneficial to their little brains). We still have too many toys, but I'm learning and being much more picky about what we buy/keep.

4. The fewer possessions you have, the more they will be noticed.

If you have only one set of nice canisters on your kitchen counter instead of a blender, toaster, knife block, utensil crock, coffeemaker, etc., people will notice the canisters when they walk in. If you have the big lineup, they'll just notice a general cluttered look. We removed just a blender from a similar lineup above and even that small change made a big difference. I'm still figuring out a working system for our kitchen counters, but that small change has given me hope!

5. Take a picture to give you a good feel for the way your house looks to visitors:

take a photo of a room, a counter, a closet, whatever. Let it sit for a day or two or even a week. Then, look at that picture. You will notice the "first impression" of that space much more than you usually do. We frequently develop selective blinders to clutter that has "always been there," don't we? We just don't even see it anymore. Taking a picture will show you a bit more of an objective view, especially in regards to overall feel.

6. Decluttering is good for our kids.

Check out this little article/blog post from unclutterer.com.

7. Decluttering is good for the budget.

I made more than $100 at a consignment sale on old kids' clothes. I think twice now when I buy stuff, wondering where it's going to go and if we really need it. We pay bills on time because we streamlined that process. I borrow more, lend more, and don't subscribe to magazines I can get online for free!

8. Decluttering is good for your marriage.

Our bedroom looks much more like a restful retreat. We're not tripping over stuff in the study, which only caused frustration that sometimes spilled out onto the other person. Less clutter in the house means less stress overall. We can find things we need a little easier.

9. Decluttering is good for the environment.

I gave away or sold lots of stuff that might otherwise have ended up in the trash after lingering so long, unused, in our closets that it was moth-eaten or too out of date. I try not to buy what I don't need. I use more natural cleaning supplies (like simple green) partly because I can use the same product on everything and have fewer cleaning bottles lying around.

10. Decluttering is good for the soul.

I mean that a bit tongue in cheek, but it is true nonetheless. In small ways: I finally framed some art we bought on our honeymoon (6 1/2 years ago), and it brings much joy to finally see it on the wall and remember such a special time in our lives (instead of carefully moving the rolled up piece of art around on my closet shelves). I have a space again in which to read my Bible in the mornings. I feel more rested living in uncluttered spaces.

Am I done? No. Will people coming over notice much difference? Not yet, but it's coming! But, my habits are changing which is good. I'm enjoying our house more. I have a bit more time for my kids/husband. It's a great process. It took over my life for a bit, but I'm at a point now where I can continue and live life normally at the same time. I noticed this past weekend during our boys' birthday party that it was easier to put up my sewing projects and other paraphernalia because there was a place for them in the closets! (I also realized how far we still have to go, but the point is: we're making progress!)

Mother's Day: A Bittersweet Note

In a commercially driven society such as ours, retailers never miss an opportunity to lure you into their stores, into buying their products, and into needing another occasion to give a gift. With Easter just behind us, merchants are quickly selling off excess Easter-related products (sale! clearance!) and promoting the next gift-giving holiday: Mother's Day. Signs announce "Mother's Day gifts!" and "Get Mom what she wants" and "Make your mom happy" and so forth.

What if the only gift some moms want is their baby back? I remember Carrie saying after one of her miscarriages that every where she went, she saw reminders of her recent loss: babies in mother's arms, baby clothes, and the like. Many women are seeing fresh reminders of their loss as stores loudly proclaim "Mother's Day." I would like to remind those reading this blog to pray for women who've recently lost children--unborn and infants in particular. This will be a bittersweet season for them, particularly if they do not have any other children at home in whom to take comfort. Carrie wrote a terrific post a while back about part of her struggle. She reminded me today that those of us who are "spectators" to another person's trial or loss (in any area) often forget or "move on" after three weeks or so, but the person in the midst of the trial is still struggling and still needs encouraging. If you know a women who has lost a child--particularly if this will be the first mother's day since that loss--don't forget to pray for her and send her a word of encouragement during these next few weeks.

If you don't know of any personally, you might consider praying for one (or all) of the following--all of whom are friends of mine or sisters-in-law of friends of mine and all of whom have lost a child (or two) since this time last year:

• Z in her third pregnancy this year--doctors aren't optimistic this time either
• C's sister-in-law lost her 5 month old to SIDS 2 weeks ago
• K's sister-in-law lost her baby at 37 weeks in August
• B lost her twins mid-way through her pregnancy just before Easter