Kids' Clothes: Provision and Hoarding

Over the years, I have been amazed at how the Lord has provided clothes for my children. As the fall/school year approaches, we parents start evaluating our growing children's wardrobes and searching out the next round of clothing via store sales, consignment sales, hand-me-downs, and so forth. Since I can't pass on hand-me-downs within my own family (one girl and twin boys), I am fairly diligent at searching out bargains and clothing sources--especially for the boys.

For my daughter, though, I've hardly had to buy anything! When she was a baby, we had some friends who kept us stocked with the bulk of her wardrobe up until around age 2. Then, a neighbor and I started swapping clothes (she had daughters on either age/size of my daughter). That neighbor's younger daughter started catching up to mine in size, so that well of hand-me-downs began to dry up. Another friend, whose daughter has received our daughter's hand-me-downs, was given several large bags of clothes from a friend. Those clothes are too big for her daughter, so we get to use them in the interim! I'm amazed at how the Lord has provided such tremendous sources of clothing without me asking or knowing from where the next batch would come. The latest batch of 3 huge garbage bags full arrived yesterday and I realized that I don't need to search out much of anything for another YEAR; we'll need to round up a new white t'neck and some tights... that's about it.

What does all of this clothing provision teach me? In addition to the obvious "trust the Lord" aspect, it also has freed me up from hoarding my children's clothing. I have a Rubbermaid bin in the attic with 0-1 year clothing--for both genders--and also which includes miscellaneous crib bedding and so forth. That's it. If the Lord sends us another child, I'm sure he will provide for any wardrobe holes! I kept a few gender neutral things, the handmade things people had given my children, and a few very special outfits. That's it. The others I have freely passed on. SHARE THE LOVE people. Pass on those kids' clothes and don't worry if you don't get them all back or if some clothes come back in poor condition. If you don't anticipate a need for your children's clothes within your own family, then pass them on to others who can use them. Loan them or give them outright. I have even fewer clothes for the other ages--mostly because so many people are using our kids' clothes! Some come back to me and I look around for who else to loan them to.

Could I consign these clothes and make some money? Sure. I've done that once. But I decided that it's far more satisfying to pass these clothes on free of charge to people I know who can use them. After all, I didn't pay for most of them in the first place. And I know what tremendous benefit it is to get a giant garbage bag full of clothes in my child's next size :).

Poetry for Children

My kids and I really enjoy reading children's poetry books/anthologies together. It's a great way to introduce little ones to a potentially hard subject ahead of them in school. Our latest favorite is Sunflakes compiled by Lilian Moore. Terrific, kid-friendly rhymes and poems about ordinary subjects (spaghetti, the ocean taking your sand castle, and so forth) by well known contemporary authors. Check it out on your next library trip!

(For other recommendations, see my Poetry for Children Literaritea Post)

What's your favorite poetry collection? What is your kids' favorite?

TV-Free Summer (Gasp!)

My neighbor, Lisa, and I did a Lenten fast from the internet that was incredibly rewarding, eye-opening, and convicting. (I wrote about it here and she wrote about it here--both are worth reading, I think.)

She and I have been mulling over the ramifications of the greater peace and less stress we experienced, the increased joy in the small things, and the restorative quality of the activities in which we engaged during the time we had hitherto been online. The result? her challenge to me to go computer (internet) free during the summer and my growing interest in having my kids go TV free during the summer.

I don't want my children to grow up addicted to the TV, to think that the TV is what you do when you are "bored" or when you're "tired" or whatever. I want them to first think of books, playing outside, sitting quietly, playing a game with their siblings, etc. They're too young to even consider playing on the computer as a way to pass time, but that's just around the corner. I want to encourage them to develop good habits and skills NOW about how to pass the time constructively and in a way that restores them, not in a way that sucks it out of them.

Anyone else in with me for this challenge? Here are my rules:

• Summer consists of June, July, August
• I'm not going to be super-Nazi here and say they can't watch it at others' houses, the gym, and so forth
• If someone is genuinely sick and truly lying around all day, then we can pull out a movie
• If it's pouring down rain and has been for more than a day, then we'll consider it.
• If they're watching TV, I'm going to watch it with them

How many times do you let them watch their favorite Super Why! or Disney movie by themselves while you clean up, talk on the phone, etc.? I do it often--I trust the content of what I let them watch by themselves, so I figure it's a "safe" activity while I get something done. But they LOVE it when I sit and watch something with them. It's instantly more of a family activity. And, I bet it will make me think twice about turning it on. If I don't "have time" or want to watch it, I'll work extra hard to find something else in which to engage their interest. That's going to mean less phone time, more creative employment of my children around the house while I clean (they can/will clean with me), and more thoughtfulness about the whole process in general.

I'm working up to it. Our former schedule was Super Why! regularly plus Dinosaur Train on occasion in the mornings and a movie in the afternoon after naptime ("movie" was generally limited to about an hour, but there were many times when it stretched beyond that!). That's WAY more TV than I ever expected to let my kids watch and there have been some legitimate uses of it with my three young ones. However, they now play pretty well together and are getting much more creative and imaginative. I've been weaning us off as follows: aiming for TV free mornings for a full week and letting the afternoon be whatever. Then, working off the afternoon by cutting back on time first. We'll go cold turkey soon, here!

Shameless Indoctrination

A young child's favorite question is "why?"

Do you roll your eyes to this nonstop question, or do you take the opportunity for what I refer to as "shameless indoctrination"?

The first "why" gets answered with a matter-of-fact statement that is creating the default setting for my child's beliefs about God, the world, themselves, and morality. The second "why" gets a more general answer to the effect that either "God tells us in the Bible" or "because I said so." End of discussion.

But let's unpack that first opportunity for shameless indoctrination (and, shameless indoctrination doesn't need a why question to be practiced; it's just that the why question provides SO MUCH opportunity since it occurs SO FREQUENTLY).

In our house, we have a daughter who's a mere 18 months older than her twin brothers. You can imagine that there's been quite an education concerning the anatomical differences in boys and girls, among other "life lessons." When we were changing the boys' diapers, bathing the three children, and potty training the boys, myriad questions arose from my daughter. The answer? An unapologetic statement that "God made boys and girls different. One of those differences is in the way he made them look. Girls are made this way and boys are made that way." That paves the way for future discussions of the other ways God made boys and girls different. Similarly, when my daughter stated that she was going to marry Daddy someday, I told her he was my handsome prince and she'd have to marry someone else (but Daddy would always be her daddy). She then said she'd marry me. To that, I matter of factly stated that girls don't marry each other. Girls marry boys--1 girl to 1 boy. See? Setting that foundation before they even know it's an issue in our society. When she comes face to face with homosexual "marriage," my prayer is that by then, the truth of God's Word regarding marriage between one man and one woman will be so ingrained in her little brain--the default setting, as it were--that she will not question God's standard. Instead, she'll recognize the sin in the world.

In another interchange, after my daughter had gone with my husband to buy me flowers, she said she would buy the boys (her brothers) flowers when they were bigger. I told her that was a sweet idea, but girls don't buy boys flowers. That's the boys' job; when they get bigger, they'll buy flowers for the special girls in their lives (including us, hopefully!). See? We're setting those expectations high. When she has a crush on a boy later (hopefully MUCH later) that doesn't treat her well, ideally she'll notice it because we've been laying a foundation of respect and proper treatment between men and women.

Toddlers and preschoolers don't need the paragraph answers older children and adults want. A simple statement or two is usually enough. Why not use this golden opportunity to set the foundation for God's created order? Morality, gender roles, even "religion" and "church" are being called into question and given fuzzy boundaries throughout society. Prepare your children now by given them a strong foundation in God's Word and His standards.

I need hardly point out that the Children's Catechism and Scripture memory are part of this training!

Gospel Driven Discipleship

I went to a seminar over the weekend on Gospel driven discipleship. I was typing up some points for my women's Bible study so I thought I would post them here. This doesn't really do the info justice, but it gives you the main points (which are still good.)

Gospel Driven Discipleship:
(Note: reference 2 Timothy 2:1-2 and Titus 2) When the Gospel is a hole of you, it will propel you forwards.

1. Doesn't focus on outward behavior.
2. Focuses/pursues the soul/heart.
3. HAS to be spirit driven.
4. Has a willingness to walk into the darkness of our own hearts and others.
5. Boldness to speak the truth-not just give easy answers.
6. Initiate and persist (especially with younger ages/students)
7. With Children:
a. Immerse them in scripture.
b. Live it everyday.
c. Our God is not going anywhere.
d. Make your home a haven.
e. Have kids be attracted to Jesus in your life.
f. Be available.
8. Stop and listen: help those around you where they are.
9. Be sure to use the word every time. "Nothing is a stumbling block to the man who has the word of God in him." -Charles Spurgeon.
10: Other references: Psalm 78:1-4, Deut. 6: 5-9, I Thess. 2:8

These Ornaments are for the Birds!

I don't know about you, but it seems to me that every little craft for kids this time of year involves food, tacky ornaments, more stickers, and so on.

If you want to do something a little bit different, something that is accessible even to fairly young children, try some birdseed ornaments. These will be hung outside, the birds will enjoy them, and you won't be stuck with more clutter inside your house. They'd make great gifts for gardeners, bird watchers, or teachers.

This "recipe" is from Birds and Blooms magazine (which is a very fun little magazine, by the way). The website gives two different methods of making these; I confess I haven't tried them yet, so I'm not sure which way works better. It seems to me that pressing the mixture in the cookie cutters might work better and/or be easier on little hands? I'll give you an update after we make these tomorrow.

Here are the ingredients/cooking method:

• 1/3 c. gelatin
• 1 1/2 c. water
• 8 c. birdseed

Combine gelatin and water in a pot over low heat. Stir until gelatin is melted and clear. Remove from heat and stir in birdseed, making sure all seeds are coated with gelatin mixture. Fill cookie cutters with seed mixture or pat mixture into jelly roll pan. Refrigerate for a couple of hours, until firm. Cut shapes, if needed, out of the big flat mixture or pop them out of the cookie cutters if you went that route. Let dry on a baking rack for 3 days.

Enjoy! The magazine link above has other ideas as well.

Don't Skip Those Naps!

As we enter into our busiest season of the year, let me remind any parents of young children out there: don't skip the kids' naps! Sleep is one of the body's best defenses against illness. Sleep does a world of good for correcting/maintaining cheery dispositions. Well rested children can "flex" a bit better when spending all day at a distant relative's house. Well rested children eat better. Nothing can ruin a holiday faster than a whiny, cranky, sick kiddo! So, don't let your schedule get so busy that you start sacrificing those important naptimes. Use that time to get ahead on your gift wrapping, baking, or online shopping (or take a nap, yourself!).

Making the Most of Your Children's Clothes

Young children are hard on clothes, grow out of clothes at seemingly random times, and could care less whether anything matches or is seasonally appropriate. I wish I had $1 for every time my daughter has wanted to wear a favorite t-shirt when it was 30 degrees outside, or has wanted to wear some fleece footie pajamas when it's 90 degrees outside. She shows up regularly at breakfast in striped skirts with patterned tops and so forth. My boys...well, we're doing good to keep them clean-ish from breakfast to lunch, much less stay in the same outfit, unscathed, for an entire day.

Here are some tips to make the most of your children's clothes, particularly if they are still at home with you and can dress casually.

1. Invest in quality basics. A few pairs of pants, some good heavyweight t-shirts, a nice button down or two, good shoes, etc. are all worth investing a bit of money in. If you think something will get worn daily, make sure it will hold up. That being said, you can still find many of these items on sale at the end of the season.
2. Buy basics in solid and basic colors. If your daughter loves pink, buy a solid pink skirt, a solid pair of pink shorts, and maybe a pink jumper. Then, you can pick up some frilly, flowery, princess-y shirts and tops here and there at a consignment sale and they will go with a number of items already in her wardrobe. But sweatpants and sweatshirts for winter wear in a variety of basic colors. Then, if your son shows up in his favorite gray shirt with his navy or red or black sweatpants--it will all work!
3. Buy one or two really fun items, but buy them on consignment. No one wants to wear boring clothes all the time, but children are notorious for being really into Bob the Builder one month and moving on to Curious George the next.
4. Use t-shirts all year: layer smaller ones under long-sleeve t-shirts, sweatshirts, or sweaters, and larger ones over long-sleeved t-shirts. Layers keep kids warmer, and they'll be able to wear that fun t-shirt they got at the beach all winter long.
5. Get creative: my children often put on clean clothes before nap-time in the winter if they've been playing outside all morning. The odds of it being light enough outside after their naps is slim, so they usually don't go outside again. Those clean clothes that were worn from naptime-bedtime then become the go-outside-and-get-dirty-clothes the next morning. Similarly, they often sleep in clean t-shirts in the summer. In the morning, they're ready for the day and we haven't dirtied up pajamas.

Neat Little Blessing

Ok, I thought this was really cool. On the way to the store tonight my 6yr. old said a prayer that the rain would stop long enough for us to get in the store. (It was already raining/sprinkling.) When he told me, my first thought was "God, you better be listening...how will this turn out?" Well, sure enough, the rain had stopped long enough for us to get into the store! How cool that a big God can listen to an earnest prayer from a little boy and respond. What a way to ingrain belief and the importance of prayer in their little hearts! We've had the conversation that God doesn't always answer yes, or right away (especially on things like, I really want that toy car...). But this was an unforced, on his own move and God responded.

Loving Our Husbands (and our families)

I studied a great book with a few other women this past summer: Becoming the Woman of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes. Initially I thought the title pretty cheesy; the content of the book, however, is terrific. Jaynes breaks down 7 areas in which we wives can be the woman of our husband's dreams. Throughout the book, she uses many Scripture references to back up her points--the part I appreciated most on my first read through the book was that she used Scripture references beyond those normally offered to wives (you know, beyond the "submit" passages or "a good wife is better than rubies"). She points out, for instance, that 1 Corinthians 13 should be applied to the way we love our husbands--not just a general way to love others. She outlines all the many times Paul encourages believers to be constant in prayer--doesn't that mean we need to be constant in prayer for our husbands?

Dostoevsky, in his amazing book The Brothers Karamazov, has a fascinating chapter titled "The Grand Inquisitor" in which a character expounds on this idea of loving those close to you. It's definitely easier to profess love for the starving children in Africa or the persecuted church in the Middle East (you might even send money or pray for these groups) than it is to love those in our own homes or our real, next door neighbor. Why? We see all the faults of those close to us. We let little things get in the way of our love; I believe an example in Dostoevsky's book is the way someone chews his or her food. If it's annoying, it can keep us from loving someone.

C. S. Lewis offers similar insights in his Screwtape Letters. In this book, a senior demon is training a younger demon in the arts of temptation and swaying people away from the Lord. One of his tips: get the "patient" in question to start focusing on the irritating little things his mother is doing rather than focusing on the real ways he can love and serve her.

Why do I mention these? Is my husband bothering me? Are my kids driving me up a wall? Not really. I've just been praying through some Scripture that is general in nature, not directed specifically at families, and was struck by the difference these actions/ideas/attitudes would make in our own homes. Some of these verses are ones Jaynes offers in her book as prayers to pray for our husbands, inserting their names as we pray. Praying Scripture is a powerful tool, the Sword of the Spirit. So, in the coming days, I'll offer up some of these Scriptural prayers. I encourage you to pick one or two and pray through them for you husband and your children. If you need an attitude check, I can guarantee you that this will help! If you've begun to focus on irritating little habits or started to notice a bothersome trait in someone in your household, try praying through one of these verses for that person instead. Our prayers become so earthly-focused. Scriptural prayers help reorient our thoughts to what is really important.

Carrie has already given us a great list of verses to pray through for our children. See her post on Teabag Verses for Students and Moms.

Potty Training: Betsy's "Method"

I'm not sure you can call this a method or not--it's more a conglomeration of various tips and strategies. But here's what I prefer to do:

Phase 1: Pre-Potty Training like crazy (this is when I become Potty Training Cheerleader Extraordinaire--did that little visiting girl just use our potty? Yea for Suzie!! She just went pee pee in the potty! Look! You're going pee pee right now! (in the tub) Are you going "stinky" (at sign of red face)). I also wait for readiness signs (dry diaper for 1.5 hours or so at a time; vocabulary in place--they need to be able to say "potty," "pee pee," etc.; interest in potty; telling me they've gone to the potty--usually only occasionally).

Phase 2: Gear up. (Get towels, drinks, potty chairs, etc.)

Phase 3: Awareness Commando, baby! Little naked babies running around, a stack of blue towels, and LOTS of fluids. After all, if they're not pee-ing, and obviously so, there are no training/teaching examples. I didn't want to use a potty chair with the boys, but quickly saw that we needed one (well, two) with this approach. The potty chairs move with us around the house: we sit in them when we watch movies, we sit in them when Mommy reads us stories, etc. Gradually, we'll add underwear to this scene. Generous and frequent rewards for any sprinkle in the right direction.

Phase 4: Control After kids are very aware of when they're going pee pee, we try to move to a pee pee on command (they need to be able to go before we leave the house--when I tell them to--especially if it's been a while since they've last gone). So, this phase is a continued education for them in learning to control their bodily functions.

Phase 5: Independence This is when they get to tell me when they want to go potty, and I pretty much operate as a normal Mom (as opposed to Potty Training Cheerleader Extraordinaire). I do have a few consequences for accidents: if someone can't take the time to come inside, for instance, and has "wet pants" while swinging, then they must come in then and there from their playing. If, however, he/she makes the attempt to come inside, I always make sure they get a little time back outside as a reward for taking the time to stop and use the bathroom.

Some notes: time spent in each phase is relative for each kid. With my daughter, she was firmly in the indepent phase by 2 months from the start date (start of awareness phase). We've just begun with the boys and are making good progress in the awareness phase for one twin (as I write this, it's day 2). But, obviously, I don't have a gazillion success stories to back up my method.

Also, and this is huge, your vocabulary makes a big difference. Don't say "if you go pee pee, Mommy will give you some candy." Two things wrong with that: first, they're going to go pee pee. That's not the issue. The issue is that they go pee pee in the potty. So, make sure you include that. Second, they are going to go pee pee at some point. Say "When you go pee pee in the potty, Mommy will give you some candy." When you move into the control phase, same thing. Say "When you go pee pee in the potty, then we'll go play outside." Not: "Hurry up!! We have to leave! Just pee!" You might as well realize that that's never going to work, so don't waste your breath and don't stress out your toddler.

Potty Training: Pre-Potty Training

Regardless of when you choose to potty train your child, you will have to do some pre-potty training, for both yourself and your child. I am by no means an expert on potty training, but I've learned some things along the way. The info from here on out is all garnered by much talking with friends and family and much reading of the "experts" (which are often highly over-rated).

Pre-Potty Training (for your child)

If you're going with an early start date, you'll need to make this a top priority in the few months preceding the Big Day. If you're planning to wait and train later, then this will happen along the way by osmosis, most likely.

1. Give your child the vocabulary to use: be consistent ("pee pee" should always be "pee pee"--or whatever you choose). Catch your child in the act whenever possible and point it out (bathtub, changing table, naked time, etc.). Label body parts, the potty, etc.
2. Model for your child at all times: parents and older siblings are always going to the bathroom. Leave the door open and narrate ("Mommy's going pee pee in the potty!" or "Look at Big Sister--she just went pee pee in the potty!").
3. Let anticipation work for you: "In a few more days, YOU will get to go pee pee in the potty!" or something like that.

Pre-Potty Training (for YOU!)
Yes, you will need some pre-potty training, too! If you've never potty trained a child before, maybe the following will help you avoid some of the mistakes I (and my friends) have made.

1. Get in the habit of pointing out all the times you (and your child) should use the potty. Before you leave the house for any reason, point out that you are going to the bathroom. (this will help you remember to do that when it's a necessity for your child).
2. Do your homework--read up on methods, equipment, etc. Know what some of the strategies are.
3. Learn what motivates your child: is he independent and likes to do everything himself? That might be all the reward you need. Does she idolize her big sister? Let big sister be a key component of your strategy.
4. Gear up: gather whatever you think you'll need: salty snacks and juice/water if you're planning an all-out day or two; potty chair and/or potty seat/ring for big potty; lots of towels (I use blue towels) if you're just going straight to underwear (or commando); pull-ups if you're planning to go that route.
5. Get your game face on: Yes, you'll be cleaning up accidents. Yes, your child will not understand right away. Yes, you'll be washing sheets, couches, rugs, toys, etc. Yes, you may have to wash a car seat. Yes, you'll be singing silly songs and doing dumb dances. Yes, you may allow your child to consume far more candy than you ever thought you would allow. Yes, you will have to put your child first, before phone calls, dinner prep, a play date, and the like. Grin and bear it!
   

Potty Training: When to Do It?

Carrie and I have chosen very different times to potty train our children, so I thought it might interest the peanut gallery to hear some of the pros and cons (at least according to her and me) for potty training early v. late. I've just begun training my 25-month old twin boys, so potty training is all I'm thinking about!

I would consider "early" potty training to be in the 18-month to 2 1/4-year old range. "Late" potty training is 3+. Then, there's a big spread in the middle that would involve issues on both the early and late sides. I've chosen to train my children early (daughter at 23 months; boys--just begun at 25 months) and Carrie's gone with the later age range (3 1/2 years for her boys).

If you haven't gotten to the potty training stage yet with your child(ren), it's worth considering the following; there really isn't a right or a wrong way to potty train as long as you do it, expect your child to obey once he/she demonstrates full capability/knowledge, and keep the peace in your household :).

Pros of Early Training (these are all generalizations):

• less laundry/effort if your child is in cloth diapers--maybe a year and a half less!
  
• less money/trash if your child is in disposables
• child still wants to please Mommy/Daddy, so battles of the will aren't typical
• rewards can be smaller--a Skittle, an M&M, etc.
• you might not be out and about as much as when the child is older, so you'll have lots of home time to practice

Cons of Early Training (again, generalizations)

• much more parental time/involvement required (child can't pull his/her pants up, child can't reach potty by him/herself, etc.)
• can take longer just because you're often starting with a child who doesn't have tons of awareness of his/her bodily functions

Pros of Later Training

• typically easier, if you can find the right motivation for your child
• less parental involvement needed (child can dress him-/herself, reach the potty, etc.)
• typically faster--the child is usually pretty aware of what's going on

Cons of Later Training

• can result in a battle of the will; parent's approval isn't quite the be all, end all it is for a toddler
• you have to spend that much more time/money on diapers!
• you might be move involved in activities (like preschool) that can complicate time needed for practice/reliability
  

The Library

Go to the library... (Toni Morrison came to our college, and I can still hear her say those words in her rich voice). Her point was that we needed to read our African American history, but I think the command is relevant no matter what you read--just go read!!

This is a small plug for getting more involved in your local library. Many libraries do fun summer reading programs for all ages (my kids are in the summer "listening" program since they're not readers yet). There are all kinds of great prizes, too!

In addition to summer programs, most libraries offer story time for young children. My kids LOVE this--we're finally going back after a long absence. This is a nice time for them to listen to someone else read and to be exposed to the library. Some branches are more child-friendly than others. It's okay if you go to a different branch the one closest to your house if you find a more child-friendly one.

There are lots of other offerings at the library for children, too: read-along story books that come with tapes the child can listen to, board books for young "listeners," all kinds of regular books for kids, CD's and DVD's, and usually a nice librarian who can help you find the Angelina book that matches the Angelina TV show!

Finally, check out the library's collection for yourself! They usually have a pretty good stock of current fiction in addition to classics. They also typically stock craft books, random very interesting nonfiction books, cook books, mysteries, CD's, DVD's, ..... you name it! You can no doubt search your library's catalog on line. Make use of their hold features and get the book you want sent to your branch and held for you (this is a huge help if you're coming in the library with three young children in tow and headed to story time in 10 minutes....).

So, I encourage you to get back in the habit of going to the library. Don't buy every book or CD you want; try checking it out first from your local library. Odds are, you'll be done with it when it's due back (and then you can bring home something else!).

Small Object Stuck in Child's Nostril?

I heard an ingenious trick from one of my Bible study friends for getting small objects out of children's nostrils. If your child hasn't tried to stick a bead, pea, or other similar object up his or her nose, just wait!

I got the opportunity to try this earlier tonight and was amazed at how fast it worked and how painless it is (compared to sticking something up the nostril in chase of said object--bad idea).

Simply block the other nostril with your finger and blow hard in the child's mouth (think, mouth to mouth resuscitation here). The object will quickly fly out! File this tip away in your mental emergency medical file.

Are Your Kids' Toys Causing Strife?

Every parent has to deal with the "mine!" issue, right? All children have to learn to share, and they don't like it one bit. That's part of our sin nature--serving our own flesh rather than loving others enough to sacrifice (not to mention resistance to obeying authority when commanded to do something we don't want to do). 

As I've been spring cleaning and purging our house and lives of unnecessary and unwanted items, I came to the inevitable toy questions: which ones do I get rid of? which ones do I save for another time? which ones get to stay right where they are? (on the floor of course)

I have a new criteria to add (my existing criteria below*): I'm ousting all toys that promote strife rather than the possibility for children to play together. How do I determine that? Simple: if the toy is electronic and/or makes noise, it's automatically up for question. That's because most electronic toys (there are exceptions) are designed for the following scenario: one child playing with it at a time, no interaction with those not playing, and no logical end in sight where the toy can be passed off. I've always found the timer method a bit annoying (little Johnny can play with said toy until the timer goes off and then little Suzie gets it). In addition, toddlers and young preschoolers have a really, really hard time grasping the whole concept of time, so it seems like FOREVER that little Johnny is playing with it and no time at all that little Suzie gets it. Toys like this only promote strife, hoarding, running away screaming "Mine!", complaining about whose turn it is, and so forth.

Compare and contrast the following scenarios:

• three children are playing with some blocks: they can either build three separate towers, forcing the requirement that they share the blocks in question, but allowing each to build separate creations; they can build a tower together, forcing them to not only share the blocks, but to dialogue perhaps or at least work together in a joint creation; they can do whatever they want with them, sharing the blocks, talking over what each person has done, etc.
• three children are playing with one LeapFrog musical ABC toy: child A has the toy and punches buttons over and over, listening to the ABC chant, while children B and C watch and wait their turn, no one talking to each other except to complain that child A's turn is taking too long (or perhaps child A complaining that children B and C are in "her space" or "crowding her"); all three children are squabbling over who had it first and whose turn it is

Will there be fighting and so forth in the first example? Sure. But are there options that promote sharing and, at the same time, enable all three children to play together? Yes. In the second example, there is no option of all three children playing together and very little opportunity to even interact with each other. Which would you choose?

There are a couple of examples of toys designed for single-child use that can work in a group setting, promoting community, but each child will need his or her own toy. Toy phones are a good example of this. When each child has his or her own, they can at least pretend to talk to one another, or they can each play independently. 

So, in our house, from now on, we are going to strive to purchase/accept toys that engender the possibility of community rather than ones that promote solo play, and thus, strife. (They are free to have solo use toys in their own rooms for their own quiet time; otherwise, I don't want to see it. Arts and crafts are solo use activities that can be used at the same time for everyone--still plenty of opportunities to share, but each person will work on his or her paper.)

*My new top ten toy criteria (I made up this list for this post; I've had some of these in mind for a while and others are new--I'm open to others' suggestions!!): 

1. Sturdy construction
   
2. Multiple uses possible (LeapFrog ABC toy fails this, too, while blocks do not-->they can be towers, houses, trucks, cell phones, you name it)
   
3. Adaptable to a range of ages (again, once you know your ABC's, how much fun is the LeapFrog toy going to be? In contrast, you can chew on a block, move up to stacking 2-3, then create towers, then create "birthday cakes" complete with "candles" that your brothers can "blow out"...)
   
4. Promotes independent play/design (like arts and crafts or toy train sets)
5. Promotes creative play/design (arts and crafts, dolls, etc.)
6. Is not based on a licensed character.... :)
7. Not electronic (preferably)
8. Easily taken care of (stuffed animals that can be thrown in the wash v. those that can't)
9. I couldn't decide here: reader suggestions welcome!
10. Promotes unity and community rather than strife

I Didn't Get a Haircut... I Got 'Em All Cut

Today is/was haircutting day: 2 down, 1 to go.

Last week, a passerby mistook one of my very beefy boys for a girl.... I knew it was time.... The last time I cut the boys' hair, it was 2008, pre-Christmas...maybe even pre-Thanksgiving. If it's humid outside and they've just had a bath, they look like they have a bad '80's perm....

All three of my children have been blessed with fairly curly hair. This hides a multitude of sins, thankfully, so I've begun cutting their hair myself (after watching good friends and my mother do it in for me). I've gotten better and learned a few things along the way. In case you're inspired to attempt this yourself, keep the following in mind:

• Videos are a must (our pick today is The Wiggles: Pop Go the Wiggles streamed instantly from Netflix)
  
• Proper clothing is a must (fleece is a no no....don't ask me how I know this)
  
• Bath-time immediately following the hair cut must be part of the schedule
  
• Speed is more important than accuracy--you can always touch up later, but half a head of cut hair looks terrible (again, don't ask me how I know this...)
  
• Just do it: just make that first cut without analyzing.... see above point
  
• You can always use clippers with a guard for little boys' hair; I haven't because my boys are too interested in little mechanical devices (maybe because their Daddy is an engineer?); it's too hard to try to cut the back of the head when the eyes want so very much to see what is making the cool electronic noise.
• Time to clean up salon area after said bath-time is also a must
• Booster seats with confining straps are also a good idea
• Save an old vinyl tablecloth if you go the indoor/movie route (when it's warmer, we can host hair cutting sessions in the great outdoors!)

Remember, Easter isn't that far away--if you cut now, there is still time for too-short hairs to grow. Don't ask me why I'm pointing this out....

Now Seeds, Start Growing!

Frog and Toad Together by Arnold Lobel continues to be one of my all-time favorite books EVER. This is coming from an English major, a former English teacher, AND someone who has an MA in children's literature! So, I've read a LOT of books, especially a lot of children's books.

This particular book of Lobel's features the beloved Frog and Toad in various adventures; one of which is the "The List," about which I wrote before. My daughter and I read this book all the time, so the stories are always fresh in mind. Since I started some of my herb and vegetable seeds last night, I've had Toad's cry from "The Garden," "Now seeds, start growing!" running through my head.

In "The Garden," Toad sees Frog's garden full of beautiful flowers. Frog assures Toad that he, too, can have a beautiful garden, but it's hard work. Toad plants some seeds and commands them to start growing. Nothing happens. He yells at them. Nothing happens. Toad thinks his seeds are afraid to grow. When Frog notices Toad yelling at his seeds, he suggests that Toad leave them alone and let the sun shine on them, the rain fall on them, and so forth. But Toad commences what can only be described as a seed nurturing regimen: he sings to them, he reads them stories by candlelight, he plays music for them, and he reads them poetry. During the course of his "enrichment program," the rain falls, the sun shines, and day and night pass. When he falls asleep, exhausted from his hard work, the seeds begin to sprout. Frog wakes him up with the good news, and Toad exclaims, "You were right, Frog.  It was very hard work."

Isn't this the way we operate with our children? Sometimes we resort to yelling when there's no immediate response. Often we exert all kinds of effort to "enrich" them: taking them sports activities, filling our week with play date after play date, signing them up for little gymnastics classes, starting music lessons early, and fretting over any slight deviation from whatever we perceive as "normal." In reality, kids are like seeds: they need sunshine to shine on them, a little rain to fall on them, regular days and nights, and they will grow! (I could elaborate on the spiritual implications of this story, but that's another post for another day!)

Wrapping Presents for Toddlers

Toddlers are still rather clumsy at opening the big gift-wrapped (taped and be-ribboned) boxes, so you might consider the following options:

Gift bags with lots of tissue paper; the sparklier and crinklier, the better--especially if a 1-year old will be opening it

Boxes where the lids come off and on easily; the Dollar Tree carries a nice little box set where 1 little box can fit inside the other. These provide endless sources of amusement for little folks who like to put things inside containers. A gift of socks becomes oh, so interesting and delightful when wrapped in one of these little boxes. The boxes are decorated, so you won't need to wrap it further.

Boxes gift-wrapped with minimal tape and a bow stuck on the outside instead of a ribbon wrapped around the gift.

For bigger gifts, just put a big bow on top of the item, unwrapped!

Another point to ponder: little folks often get overwhelmed with lots of presents, especially multiple toys/books. If you have a gift from a relative you will be seeing before Christmas, go ahead and let the child/children open the gift in the presence of that relative. Carrie and I used to get to open a present on Christmas Eve and/or one earlier in the month as well, especially if it was Christmas related (like fun socks).

What About Santa?

Someone made a comment about what we do about Santa. Well, Betsy hasn't really gotten to that point yet...her kids have been so young. With an almost 6 yr. old, we know about Santa. This is what we do, what you can do, and who Santa really is.

Santa originated from St. Nicholas, a real 17th century bishop from the Turkey area today. He responded to the idea of God's gift of love, and gave away money to the poor. BUT he would do it secretly so no one would know. When everyone finally found out, he reminded them that God is the source of all goodness. Some children still leave their shoes out the night before St. Nicholas Day (Dec. 6) in hope they will find treats in the morning left by a secret giver filled with the love of Jesus.

Hence Americans now have Santa. Santa is based off a good person, so there is not really harm in knowing who Santa is. How you approach it is up to you:

1. Betsy and I grew up believing in Santa, as do a lot of kids and we turned out ok :-). How you handle the let down is up to you.

2. My husband didn't want to lie to the kids, so how we have approached it is more of the Santas don't bring the presents, but they can help mamas and daddys know what to get for Christmas. We will get our picture taken with him and still read The Night Before Christmas. It is still fun, without the lie of him bringing presents. And they enjoy Santa as a good, fun person. We also explained to our oldest this year that there was a real Santa (St. Nick) years ago, which is why Santa is still around today. But it doesn't take away why we really celebrate Christmas. (Although I wish I could hone in on the good behavior thing :-)).

3. Don't do Santa, and don't do what we do above. Just tell your kids that Santa is not real, just a lot of kids think he is. (But you may want to warn them before they break your neighbor's child's heart.) A lot of families don't do Santa, so it's not as big of deal any more. But it wouldn't hurt for them to know where Santa originated, because he was a good person trying to spread God's love.

4. Or come up with your own holiday meaning and tradition. Combine what you like, but throw out what you don't. There is no right or wrong (except keeping the real meaning of Christmas!)