Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The Struggle of Becoming "Mom"-Part 1

Betsy and I have been talking about how many people are choosing to use...or not use birth control these days. There is a growing number who want to have "quiver full" families, as the Psalmist states. Yet I think Betsy and I both view it a little differently.

Now while neither of us knock having lots of kids, there are other points. If you and your husband agree to have a full house, and both of you are healthy and able to do so, then I think that is great! However, increasingly today, there are more and more factors that play against this. And a big question, where do you draw the line? So here are my thoughts....

1. MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP: What do you and your husband agree on? This is the most important relationship!! If you husband is not on board with having more children, than don't throw caution to the wind. Why add tension that is not needed. I don't think God necessarily requires or wants us to have big families and will post some biblical examples. He wants us primarily to be a Christian family that loves him.

2. HEALTH AND WELLNESS: As I have said, recently we lost a baby. In the weeks that followed and in discussion with doctors, we discovered that if I were to get pregnant I could potentially lose a child again, due to a previous surgery and scar tissue. Betsy and I both know women that are at risk for certain things if they were to become pregnant again. Is it worth your health, and life to your family to really risk it? And there is the extreme emotional aspect of it too, dealing with the loss if it happens. In some cases, there may even be life-long health problems with the child that is born, like down-syndrome. Are you willing to risk it?

3. ISSUES OF SEX: When we lost our child, our current form of "birth control" was the typical condom type thing. And I'll be honest...if you have done this, you know after a while (or years) it gets kind of old. Why? You have to always be "prepared". Forget spontenaity. Yet, after the miscarraige we were faced with heavy decisions about whether to try again. We were given the go ahead if we wanted to, but were still faced with the unknown of how it would turn out. And I was tired physically, emotionally, etc. Sex became a burden. I didn't want it. I was tired of how we "protected" and I was scared if we didn't. And for a while this was a struggle. I don't think we are the only ones in this, but this is also such a crucial part of married life. When it gets to this point, I think options need to be reviewed...as I said the marriage is most important, not whether you have more kids or not.

4. MONEY: Some couples just can't afford to have a bigger family. A bigger family means a bigger car, possibly a bigger house, more mouths to feed, etc. Sometimes it is just not economically smart. Sure God will provide if needed, but lets not unecessarily test him "just to see," especially if the wife already has to work-not just the husband.

So do you draw the line or not...the answer is different for each couple. It can be a heavy decision, and one that warrants prayer about what to do. Remember, we live in a fallen world with sinful bodies. Not everything will work normally. Betsy and her husband have done some research on birth control methods, specifically what prevents conception vs. what does away with a fertilized egg so to speak. I'm going to get her to write what she has discovered. And talk to your doctor. There are so many options these days, from temporary to permanent.

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